[MR] newbie

[Alison]

Vivat, Magnus Malleus!!

In Service,
Alison MacLeod

----- Original Message -----
From: "rmhowe" <MMagnusM at bellsouth.net>
To: <Eventblues at aol.com>
Cc: <atlantia at atlantia.sca.org>
Sent: Thursday, September 05, 2002 6:22 PM
Subject: Re: [MR] newbie


>
>
> Eventblues at aol.com wrote:
> >
> > I attended my first event in Atlantia not very long ago.  I won't say
where
> > or when.  I would like to describe my experience and see if you can come
to
> > some consensus for an answer.
> > Saturday, during the event, I could get almost noone to talk to me.
>
> I frequently find saying something outrageous works for me, but then
> I am an aging Scadian, and a curmudgeon of sorts, have worked with
> rough humored tradesmen and incompetent management. I find blunt honesty
> to be generally preferable, and love to start a bit of humorous trouble
> whenever I can.  Master Efenwealt is too easy/cheesy, I need fresh meat.
> I'm also next to impossible to ignore, assuming that I let you if I
> like you.
>
> > I was dressed appropriately in period garb -- nothing ostentatious but
not
> > cheap or gawdy looking, -- period cut and fabric (linen and wool
cotehardie)
> > -- quality sewing skills and am not new to costuming.  I am a reasonably
> > attractive female (many people say I am pretty), and in middle age, not
over
> > or underweight.  No hairlips or missing body parts.
>
> That's Harelip. I frequently watch the bunnies clip off a dandelion at
> the base and watch the seed end 'poof' as it hits the gap.
>
> > I am not in any way physically repulsive.
> > I bathed and wore deodorant, changed my underwear,
> > brushed my teeth and wore no perfume.
>
> You realize of course that this is not period at all.
> In fact you probably showed up the Ducal Ranks entirely. :)
>
> > I was not trying to pick up men (I am married),
> > but trying to make friends primarily with other women.
>
> You may have just picked the wrong bunch entirely. Events, like the
> hosting canton or shire or barony, differ with each one. People's
> attention varies with what is going on. You should try a university
> session, like the one coming up in Raleigh October 5th. In crafts
> classes you are just about guaranteed interpersonal interaction and
> networking with people of similar interests.
>
> Our very large Barony has five cantons and some outlying areas.
> Some people go to more than one weekly canton meeting, and
> some prefer to attend meetings primarily in other cantons.
> We all have preferences.
>
> > However, no matter how many people I tried to make friends with --
people
> > just generally ignored me.  I tried to strike up conversations with
different
> > folks who were not otherwise engaged in an activity.  They would make
polite
> > conversation for about 1 minute, then leave.  Later, they would look at
me as
> > if I did not exist.
>
> Most probably they were consumed with inner demons or problems and
> trying
> to figure out what the hell is going on in their own lives most of the
> time.
> I don't think it was you personally.
> I promise you the SCA is also full of people who are very shy as well.
> Some rarely post anything. Obviously you have that conquered.
>
> > I have good social skills, have a college degree that is not in some
aspect
> > of medieval life -- so I could have things to talk about.  But, no one
would
> > give me the chance.
>
> I doubt if they had that in mind at all. Carpe diem.
>
> In all of Atlantia I can think of less than a handful of people I
> would place in the real Royal Jerk category and I've been around a
> while.
>
> > No one ever invited me to sit with their group of friends for a minute.
No
> > one ever approached me unless I approached them.
>
> Try saying "I'm new, and could you help me out?"
>
> Should you approach the wife and I with an open space at the table
> you are most welcome to join us. Other newbies have. I'm kind of
> hard to miss, 305, 6'3", 50, glasses, very long graying hair and
> beard, usually seen in or dragging about a green office chair (I
> have chronic pain syndrome, this one hurts a lot less than others).
> There should also be a short person in tow, Ct. B. Anne de Silva,
> scurrying about trying to get our own mess sorted out. 5' short,
> often in green dress. Dark Horde yin-yang style red and black
> badges on both of us. We usually arrive mid afternoon at most
> fighting events. Anne has a very sweet personality as long as
> you don't snag the same cookie she was intent on nabbing herself.
>
> My hearing in group noise situations leaves a lot to be desired.
> I have low tone hearing loss from years of operating loud machinery
> and equipment. If I can understand you I will talk to you. Normally
> I have trouble hearing the other end of the table. And the more
> people in a hall, the louder they talk to try to be heard over
> the others.
>
> > I even offered to help people out with some of the work.
>
> Ask for the autocrat. Surely s/he knows where you might best be
> employed. I have rarely seen an autocrat who doesn't have work for
> someone to do. In fact they are frequently desperate. Head cooks
> and kitchen staff are somewhat similar if their pre-cooking is
> not all done.
>
> > Many people would not even make eye contact with me during the day.
> > And, I noticed that I was not the only one at the event in that "no
man's
> > land".  Many other people were likewise ostracized.  By about 3:00, I
just
> > gave up and sat in a corner and watched what was going on.
> > The people at my feast table were nice (they were newbies, too).
>
> In general, I don't think very many SCAdians are the type to ostracize
> other people. In twentyone years in Atlantia I have known a few (maybe
> a couple dozen) that are real pains, but most people are generally
> helpful and pleasant. One of the reasons I can say this is I am
> handicapped
> as many other SCAdians are and there are lots of people who help, asked
> or unasked when we go to events.  I've been to Pennsic four times and
> had complete strangers from other kingdoms go well out of their way to
> help
> us.
>
> > But when the feast was over, the cliques of folks started again.  I
looked
> > around for some of the other folks who had been "left out", but they all
left
> > either before, or as soon as the feast was over.
>
> After feast people tend to network directly based on mutual interests.
> Earlier in the day there is usually a tournament or war going on that
> elsewise absorbs them, their households, and the only chance they get
> is after dinner (or in the shower) to talk much with other friends.
> Atlantia is a very big place and in order for them to speak directly
> with each other (as opposed to email, or the cost of long distance)
> is that time after dinner. I enjoy it myself. This is where you get
> the return on your investment in other people elsewise known at a
> distance.  It wasn't ignoring you so much as the general populace's
> indulging their opportunities to network with each other.
>
> > Now I realize that folks like to visit with their friends, but does mean
> > excluding people who could add to your list of friends?
>
> There is a tendency to eat with close friends or other household, shire,
> or barony members. It simply means those people feel more accepted in
> those groups.  This can be a bit annoying when you'd like to join in
> a table that is already full with someone that interests you, but after
> feast you can pull up a chair or vice/versa assuming the dance demons
> don't beset you because you're occupying their coveted stomping grounds
> at that particular moment. Dancers can be a bit insistant.
>
> > Does no one have a heart when someone is obviously new or in
> > unfamiliar surroundings?  I admit that I am a little shy, but I have
> > a good sense of humor and have a lot to contribute.  But no one
> > bothered to find out. Not sure I will ever go to another event.
> > Any suggestions?
>
> Not giving up too soon would help. Taking some craft or item to
> work on at events is likely to induce curiosity. Complimenting
> someone on their garb or accessories and asking how that was done
> would give you an opportunity to introduce yourself. Ask for
> references and about groups doing that particular art if it
> interests you. Inquire about attending some classes/guild
> meetings which are frequently held at different people's houses.
> In Windmasters' Hill you could fill up just about every day of
> the week with meetings, practices, workshops, guilds and events.
> Generally the only time they stop is the Xmas and Thanksgiving
> holidays and for the Pennsic War.
>
> Almost every SCAdian comes to the SCA for different reasons.
> Some only enjoy fighting. Some enjoy the Arts and Crafts like I
> do. Others love performing arts. And a crazy few try to keep
> the mess running at great personal sacrifice. Each of us may
> totally ignore certain other aspects.  I tend not to attend
> courts after a hundred of them went by and if they are not
> held in the hall am not going to stand there and make the
> symptoms worse.  I have probably only watched one entire
> tournament to it's repetitively conclusive end. In that
> particular crown tourney some poor gentle had to take a killing
> shot five times in the head before the marshall declared it
> good. It was a long time ago, in fact my first event.
>
> On the other hand I would term myself a resource person, a
> material culturist, and since I research and write frequent
> articles and bibliographies on a variety of medieval subjects find
> myself followed about or approached after dinner by people with
> notebooks and questions who know me from the nets. It generally works
> better information wise to ask me something when I have the resources
> about me though. When I am tired I suffer from C.R.S./Fibrofog/
> what polite people call Senior Moments.
>
> As I have short term memory loss/word/image association problems
> caused by the handicap I'm not always at my sharpest - particularly
> when I've been talking for a while. The old bean's a bit eschemic.
> Once in a while I have trouble remembering where the conversation
> was or have trouble speaking.
>
> Offer to help serve at feast, as a great many new folks do and learn
> the names of the other servers and the kitchen crew. Most events
> are short of servers first of the meal.
>
> Mentioning directly that you are new might help. Everyone here
> remembers when they were new.  The average SCAdians are pretty
> nice folks when they are not self-absorbed with their own current
> problems.  Most have far too many of their own to make problems
> for someone else.  It's kind of like real life. If you take care
> of the big problems and obligations the small ones you imagine
> are out there after you don't materialize.
>
> Not helpful SCA? Well in my twentyone years they've helped us a bunch.
> The armory/shop got moved three times - 14 people with multiple trucks
> the first two times lasting about seven hours, the last time it was
> about eighteen and took four and a half hours.  This does not include
> the heavy machinery that has been moved into the basement since a
> number of times, help after the hurricane and icestorms, etc.
> A lot of us depend very much on each other for help.
>
> Not to mention the fact that about half of us marry in the SCA.
> My wife got snagged by us at a Raleigh Artsplosure demo.
>
> Just be patient, and keep introducing yourself. Heck, step on a
> few toes. That'll absorb them for a few moments.
>
> Magnus Malleus, OL / and (her littlest excellency chipmunk) Anne de
> Silva
> Raleigh / Elvegast, a canton in the very big Barony of Windmasters Hill.
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