[MR] Re: Your Women?

[Dante di Pietro]

> Speaking of "one of my friends" does not convey any sense of ownership, but
> speaking of "one of my women" does have that subtly different connotation.
> I don't see any suggestion of "evil" intent -- just a lack of care in choosing
> words.

Bear with me here; my profile on the scholars page says I love grammar, and by God, I
really do love grammar.

The major culprit here is not extant sexism, or even prior sexism from days gone by.
Basically, the way that the English language (any language really) developed was based on
the psychology of the people who spoke it. We use the possessive case so much and for so
many things because we pyschologically refer to the world around us in relation to
ourselves. There is a reason why "I" is the most spoken word in the English language. For
good or ill, we view the world around us in terms of how it relates to us and we quite
naturally place our own self as taking a higher priority than anything else. This is why
we will normally say "He's my husband" or "She's my wife" rather than "I'm her husband",
which is going to be far less common. We'll introduce other people by how they relate to
us, but we'll only introduce ourselves by our relation to others if it is in answer to a
question (e.g. Who's his wife? *I'm* his wife.) or if the other person has already been
introduced and we are introducing ourselves in an attempt to establish our identity by
virtue of pre-existing information (Hi, I'm Jane Doe. And I'm her husband, John.).

While sexism is a more readily apparent cause for many, many unfortunate sayings, the
possessive case is far too old and far too necessary for effective communication to have
ties to sexism. When using the possessive (or genitive) case, we do not have to imply
ownership, though we can (my sword, your car, our house)-- we also have the ability to
use the possessive to define things that relate to something else. Atlantia is my
kingdom, but I do not own it. I am one of Atlantia's rapier fighters, but Atlantia is a
place and therefore cannot possess me in the same sense that I can possess my car. I use
the possessive case to say that I am OF Atlantia, which brings forth a certain set of
ideas in us all because we all speak English and have a general command over its
subtleties. Atlantia may also have all of "her" sons and daughters doing something,
though we're not directly related and the last time I checked I wasn't born from the
earth itself. 

To say "your women" in this case deals more with the idea that the women being referred
to are related to the intended audience of the speaker (the men, to be fair, since
someone already pointed out that women aren't the only ones who are safer in numbers-- if
a fault here truly exists, it is in thinking that a lone man is safe whereas a lone woman
is in danger) by knowledge rather than possession-- a functional equivalent to "your
female friends". In short, I can't watch out for people I don't know/see very well, but I
*can* keep an eye out for the people I know and care about. 

So yes, watch out for your men, your women, your friends, your family, because in this
sense we are all each others.

And watch out for your car too, because sometimes you wake up to go to work and your
wheel is missing. Man, I'm glad I moved out of that area.

The car is mine because I own it. My lady is mine because she chooses to be.

Despite the fact that I am a very, very wordy geek.

=====
Signore Dante di Pietro
Premier, Order of the Sea Dragon
Free Scholar, l'Academie d'Espee
Rapier Champion, Barony of Caer Mear
Kingdom of Atlantia

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