[MR] on courtesy

[Becky McEllistrem]

My friend Jared posts a complaint about courtesy to
the Merry Rose and is offended when traditional
theories of courtesy are ignored.  Traditional
theories of courtesy are state that ladies should not
be required to carry theiro own things.  However
Mistress Alisoun (I believe) correctly points out that
we're a Society of Courtesy  and neither men nor women
should be required to carry things and that offers  of
help should apply to both genders.  This is of course
the correct ideal for SCA.

This idea that "you should have asked" is a copout by
people who yet again miss the obvious.  Yes when I ask
I never get refused but I've also just interrupted a
conversation that may or may not be important.  

If you truly want to be in service to courtesy you
stop what you're doing and offer help.  Would you make
your mother carry all these things by herself?  (Yes I
know certain Bad Boys would brag about making their
mother help but in general the answer is no.)  If
you're truly in service to courtesy you don't need to
be asked.  You see a need and you offer your time. 
This is common sense and not rocket science.  But if
you follow with the theory that says "you should have
asked" then you don't feel guilty about not helping
and you can excuse yourself from helping.

Those who bring many things also have a
responsibility. Are you bringing many things which you
share  and many people use or ar you bringing many
things so you can brag about how ostentatious your
setup is?  If you're bringing a huge amount of things
for bragging rights or to sell, then no I'm not as
willing to help you with my time.  I'll go to others
who have been a positive example of gentle service.

Another point comes to mind from those that complain
that they were never offered service.  If you (Logan
AND others) were busy setting up a pavillion and were
never offered help, is this your own fault?  If you
wish to break all netiquette rules and brag about how
you can swear on mailing lists (which IS different
from swearing between individuals at events), if you
wish to anger folks at business meetings with
obnoxious jokes,  and brag about how you don't care
about who you offend then obviously you have no reason
to complain when those same people refuse to help you
at events.

Your behavior on lists, during arguments, towards
volunteers, and your behavior towards individuals of
lessor rank is what generates courteous behavior
towards you.  If you wish to ignore standard rules of
courtesy and enjoy being the Bad Boy of Atlantia (my
term no anyone else's)  then the result will be that
no one is willing to help you.  And you have
absolutely no reason to complain.  

Rebecca the Contrary (as always)

__________________________________________________
Do You Yahoo!?
Get email alerts & NEW webcam video instant messaging with Yahoo! Messenger
http://im.yahoo.com