[MR] Chalk Figures [Warning: Some Naughty Adult Content]

[Garth Groff and Sally Sanford]

Noble Friends,

Let's start with the naughty bits. The Cerne Abbas Giant is naked and shows
off his private parts. So maybe some of you wouldn't want your youngsters
to look at him, though they've probably already seen worse. Your call, and
I understand. We're a family outfit, though our legendary cod-piece
competitions have skated pretty close to the edge.

Hill figures, are a particularly English folly carved into chalk hills,
though a few have more recently escaped the "Sceptered Isle" for other
parts of the world. Most of them are definitely beyond our period, but four
are worthy of comment as one already existed from the iron age and others
may date from the late middle ages/Renaissance.

The oldest figure is undoubtedly theCeltic-styled Uffington White Horse in
the Berkshire hills, thought to be some 3,000 years old. Definitely
pre-period for us, but how it survived through the middle ages is a wonder.
Since these chalk figures have to be maintained or they disappear back into
the soil, locals must have laboured on it regularly during the middle ages.
What did churchmen think about it? In any case, it's still there for us to
ponder: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Uffington_White_Horse

The above-mentioned Cerne Abbas Giant is first documented in 1694, but may
actually be much older. The actual date is something scholars argue about,
no doubt over a pint or three down at the local after their daily digging:
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Cerne_Abbas_Giant

The Long Man of Wilmington is a more chaste figure in East Sussex. Recent
investigations suggest the Long Man may date from the 16th century. He's
not going away anytime soon, as the chalk cuttings have been filled with
white-painted breeze blocks (cinder blocks to us):
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Long_Man_of_Wilmington

There were two giants, generally known as Gog and Magog, near Plymouth that
are mentioned in a 1602 document. Sadly, they no longer exist.

Here's Wikipedia's general page on hill figures (including one of Homer
Simpson holding a doughnut that scandalized Britain), and yes, the Cerne
Abbas Giant is shown, so please beware:
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Hill_figure

Yours Aye,

Mungo Napier, Laird of Mallard Lodge  🦆