[MR] Tournament of Ymir 43 - The Norse take Paris

[Jeremiah Edwards]

Special thanks to Master Dunstan,

This year’s Ymir finds the Norse invading France, as in the days of 885
when Ragnar brought his people down the Seine to confront Odo, Count of
Paris, and King Charles the Fat. It is a little known fact that before this
epic siege there was an exchange of letters between the famous Norse Skald
Bjorn Bjornbjornssonn (writing in the style of Norse Fornyrdislag) and the
Parisian Scribe Gaspard de la Poi Poi. (writing in the classical tenth
century epic style). These were essenti...ally an exchange of warnings
between the men on what would happen when the Northmen arrived.

To get you into the spirit of the event, we offer up these hitherto unknown
series of letters. From BJORN BJORNBJORNSSON to GASPARD DE LA POI POI,
Spring, 885.

Dearest Frenchy foemen
Fear our approach!
We Norsemen are in need of
Nosh for our folk
Yea, we heard this year
You had a harvest
Most pleasant and plentiful
Placate our bellies!
Rumor has run rampant
Revealing that you have
Made significant supplies of
Succulent cheese!
Cheese we will chomp and
Cheerily chew
Cough up your cattle curds or
Chaos will ensue!

>From GASPARD DE LA POI POI to BJORN BJORNBJORNSSON

Say to you, nay to you, do we. you shall not enter gay Paree
For tis not yours to have our food! If you would steal our Cheese . . . how
rude!
You might have snails galore in sauce- This would be acceptable loss.
Fried frog legs gladly will we share- But take our cheese? You would not
dare!
You may not have our camembert- visit you not our fermier!
It you would offer us homage- you must not touch our fine fromage!

Lady Hrosvitha von Celle is hosting a Grand Cheese Competition in honor to
prove how succulent the cheese of the French may be. Just like the Norse,
she plans to steal some for the feast.

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