[MR] Courteous corrections

[Jen Thies]

At a recent event the following two things happened. 

Some ladies were being social and seemingly unknowingly edging into the list field during a time of indeterminate fighting. Instead of yelling at them I went over to them and asked them to step back and observe the edge of the field for their own safety. 

Later a relative newcomer walked by wearing fabric that bore the laurel wreath free of other decoration. A friend delicately pointed her out and asked what was best to do. Eventually we asked a lady of her same group to counsel her on use of a reserved charge at their next meeting. 

If something is being done that can be corrected with gentle words, be it smoking in the main area of the event, use of flash photography without permission in court, or inattention to the setting (standing in front of Her Majesty or edging into the fighting area), it should be done in the kindest way possible. 

If something is being worn that goes against our rules, then care should be taken to not make a newcomer self conscious so that they can continue to enjoy the day. If you can offer a replacement for say a mistakenly worn white belt, then do so. Otherwise we gain nothing by embarrassing. 

I can only hope that those ladies I asked to step back did not take affront. I can also only hope that the lady from the same group as the newcomer follows up on gently steering her away from reserved charges. I can also only hope I've been as gentle in all my corrections as I strive to be now. If we must correct, do it kindly. If we are corrected, we must assume that our best interests were in their hearts and move forward. This is what courtesy means in our group, much more so than forsooth speech and holding doors. 

In service,
Genevieve d'Aquitaine



On Jun 5, 2011, at 12:09 AM, "Logan" <Logan at ebonwoulfe.com> wrote:

> hardly a straw man.  hardly.
> 
> the problem, which you claim is "more often", seems to be (as you then
> state) what you encountered.  ive spoken to many dozens of new folks that
> 'did it wrong'.  many dozens.  i helped them "do it right".  so, how many
> times have you actually seen "it" done in a "wrong" way?  i mean personally
> watched this happen?  just going on what you stated youve seen it happen
> once, and once that wasnt so bad as to chase you away.  ive personally done
> it many dozens of times, each time helping the well-meaning new person
> correct their misconception of what the sca is.  so lets assume, for a
> moment, that you and i are somewhere in the neighborhood of 1 vs 36.  you
> didnt run away and my 36 didnt either.
> 
> so why, again, is this correction a bad thing?  never mind, its a correction
> after all.  corrections are always the right thing.  yes, sometimes they can
> be handled poorly but ive met thousands of sca folks in the last twenty plus
> years and very few of them are total asshats that would puff-up on a new
> person just to tell them they were wrong.  in fact i really dont know that
> ive ever met that person to be honest.
> 
> its additionally odd that you finish your comment by agreeing with me and
> stating that we do, in fact, need to prevent folks from allowing "all things
> to fly".  you claim, at the end, that there is a way to correct people but
> you make it sound like you demand that anyone doing so is "wrong",
> "offensive", etc etc.  you cant have it both ways.  you know that right?
> 
> logan
> 
> 
> 
> 
> -----Original Message-----
> From: atlantia-bounces at seahorse.atlantia.sca.org
> [mailto:atlantia-bounces at seahorse.atlantia.sca.org] On Behalf Of Gina
> Shelley
> Sent: Saturday, June 04, 2011 11:25 PM
> To: atlantia at atlantia.sca.org
> Subject: Re: [MR] Egyptian Personas in the SCA
> 
> 
> Well, my answer to your stormtrooper analogy, is "Nice strawman."
> 
> But to return to the topic at hand, I would say that one of the the worst
> problems the SCA has is the widespread belief that this is the worst problem
> the SCA has. 
> 
> When newcomers show up at an event and the first thing out of anyone's mouth
> is "You're doing it wrong", we can only hope that the reaction is one of
> apathy. That's our best outcome. What happens more often, actually, is that
> the targets of the confrontation decide we're a bunch of social midgets that
> they don't want anything more to do with. 
> 
> In fact, it was done to me when I first started out, too. Fortunately, I was
> having too much fun to not give the SCA another chance. So I just decided
> that person's opinion had maybe slightly less value to me than last week's
> pile of toenail clippings and moved on with my life. However, that was long
> enough ago that that particular style of "Welcome To The SCA" was the
> exception rather than the rule. Unlike now, it would seem. 
> 
> Do we need to just let all sorts of things fly? Of course not. Do we need to
> apply a little common sense? Yes, please.  Nobody cares what some rude
> stranger thinks. Saying "that's not period" to people when you don't'
> approve of their clothing is so played, so wrong, and so offensive it's
> become an SCA joke.  However, if a kind, friendly, non-judgmental person
> models the right way and gently leads by example, they will get followed. It
> might take a little time. That's okay. If you don't put people on the
> defensive, you'll GET time.
> 
> 
> Dulcy
> 
> 
>> 
>> so how do you, with "courtesy", tell someone that their storm trooper 
>> outfit doesnt fit into the sca?  your charge is that there isnt a way 
>> to tell someone they are doing something wrong.  i disagree.  the 
>> whole "lets be nice and never say no to anyone and lets create awards 
>> and peerages and tokens for everyone" is, in my opinion, the worst problem
> the sca has.
>> 
>> so, i have to ask, if someone showed up in said storm trooper gig why 
>> would you be unable to politely tell them that it didnt belong?
> 
>