[MR] OT: Safety warning for ladies.

[M'lady Foxy]

I'm picturing this in SCA world..add hoops/yards of fabric (dresses and great kilts),, long sleeves and belt clutter (daggers,favours,furs,etc...). This will also be happen everywhere as al travel to war (safe travels to all going... and traveling to war hehe)

--- On Wed, 7/15/09, M'lady Foxy <angellfoxx at yahoo.com> wrote:

> From: M'lady Foxy <angellfoxx at yahoo.com>
> Subject: Re: [MR] OT: Safety warning for ladies.
> To: Atlantia at seahorse.atlantia.sca.org
> Date: Wednesday, July 15, 2009, 6:14 AM
> I debated on posting this because
> it's kind of long but it relates to topic and gives you
> lords an idea what we woman go through....
> 
> 
> 
> This HAD to be written by a woman! No one else could
> describe it so accurately! Enjoy!
> 
> When you have to visit a public bathroom, you usually find
> a line of women, so you smile politely and take your place.
> Once it's your turn, you check for feet under the stall
> doors. Every stall is occupied. 
> 
> Finally, a door opens and you dash in, nearly knocking down
> the woman leaving the stall.
> 
> You get in to find the door won't latch. It doesn't matter,
> the wait has been so long you are about to wet your pants!
> The dispenser for the modern 'seat covers' (invented by
> someone's Mom, no doubt) is handy, but empty.. You would
> hang your purse on the door hook, if there was one, but
> there isn't - so you carefully, but quickly drape it around
> your neck, (Mom would turn over in her grave if you put it
> on the FLOOR!), yank down your pants, and assume' The
> Stance.'
> 
> In this position your aging, toneless thigh muscles begin
> to shake. You'd love to sit-down, but you certainly hadn't
> taken time to wipe the seat or lay toilet paper on it, so
> you hold 'The Stance.'
> 
> To take your mind off your trembling thighs, you reach for
> what you discover to be the empty toilet paper dispenser. In
> your mind, you can hear your mother's voice saying, 'Honey,
> if you had tried to clean the seat, you would have KNOWN
> there was no toilet paper!' Your thighs shake more.
> 
> You remember the tiny tissue that you blew your nose on
> yesterday - the one that's still in your purse. (Oh yeah,
> the purse around your neck, that now, you have to hold up
> trying not to strangle yourself at the same time). That
> would have to do. You crumple it in the puffiest way
> possible. It's still smaller than your thumbnail
> 
> Someone pushes your door open because the latch doesn't
> work.  The door hits your purse, which is hanging
> around your neck in front of your chest, and you and your
> purse topple backward against the tank of the toilet.
> 'Occupied!' you scream, as you reach for the door, dropping
> your precious, tiny, crumpled tissue in a puddle on the
> floor, lose your footing altogether, and slide down directly
> onto theTOILET SEAT. It is wet of course. You bolt up,
> knowing all too well that it's too late. Your bare bottom
> has made contact with every imaginable germ and life form on
> the uncovered seat because YOU never laid down toilet paper
> - not that there was any, even if you had taken time to try.
> You know that your mother would be utterly appalled if she
> knew, because, you're certain her bare bottom never touched
> a public toilet seat because, frankly, dear, 'You just don't
> KNOW what kind of diseases you could get.'
> 
> By this time, the automatic sensor on the back of the
> toilet is so confused that it flushes, propelling a stream
> of water like a fire hose against the inside of the bowl
> that sprays a fine mist of water that covers your butt and
> runs down your legs and into your shoes. The flush somehow
> sucks everything down with such force that you grab onto the
> empty toilet paper dispenser for fear of being dragged in
> too.
> 
> At this point, you give up. You're soaked by the spewing
> water and the wet toilet seat. You're exhausted. You try to
> wipe with a gum wrapper you found in your pocket and then
> slink out inconspicuously to the sinks.
> 
> You can't figure out how to operate the faucets with the
> automatic sensors, so you wipe your hands with spit and a
> dry paper towel and walk past the line of women still
> waiting.
> 
> You are no longer able to smile politely to them. A kind
> soul at the very end of the line points out a piece of
> toilet paper trailing from your shoe. (Where was that when
> you NEEDED it??) You yank the paper from your shoe, plunk it
> in the woman's hand and tell her warmly, 'Here, you just
> might need this.'
> 
> As you exit, you spot your hubby, who has long since
> entered, used, and left the men's restroom. Annoyed, he
> asks, 'What took you so long and why is your purse hanging
> around your neck?'
> 
> This is dedicated to women everywhere who deal with a
> public restrooms (rest??? you've GOT to be kidding!!). It
> finally explains to the men what really does take us so
> long. It also answers their other commonly asked questions
> about why women go to the restroom in pairs. It's so the
> other gal can hold the door, hang onto your purse and hand
> you Kleenex under the door! 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> --- On Tue, 7/14/09, Oddny <baronessoddny at gmail.com>
> wrote:
> 
> > From: Oddny <baronessoddny at gmail.com>
> > Subject: Re: [MR] OT: Safety warning for ladies.
> > To: "Catalina Galiano" <catalinagaliano at gmail.com>
> > Cc: Atlantia at seahorse.atlantia.sca.org
> > Date: Tuesday, July 14, 2009, 12:45 PM
> > When I have to hang on the back of
> > the door, I twist my purse handles
> > through the two hooks several times, or wrap them
> around
> > the one hook
> > several times. At the very least, it would take
> someone a
> > little bit to get
> > it, and I'd have time to reach up and snag it.
> > 
> > Of course, if they could get anything from my bank
> account,
> > more power to
> > them. LOL
> > 
> > Oddny
> >
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> 
> 
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