[MR] The quiet musings of a "nobody" (slightly long)

[Sandi Rust]

Greetings Goode Gentles All,
 
Something has been weighing heavy on my mind and heart as of late. I ask for your indulgence and patience with me as I sort it through; since, indeed, it may well effect us all. 
 
I have been in the SCA since around 1988, but didn’t actually become a member until around a decade ago. I came in at the tail end of the times of the “Lechers’ Guild” and the “Order of the Golden Orbs”. I remember the times of cloven fruit and the clothing optional swimming holes and indeed once being kept in one such place by a young cavalier who held my clothing for “ransom”. This, by the way, was not at a major War, but at an Atlantian event. After he left (without my clothes), I told my “matriarch” who went and talked to the gentle and he meant no harm and he did indeed meant no harm of it. As he put it – “I saw a young nymph and wished to get to know her better.”  Nothing more was done. I didn’t see him again and to my knowledge, haven’t. This was an isolated event and handled quietly to preserve the dignity of both parties.  There were several “old lechers” that would do more than “hug” a young lady; but all
 you would have to do is tell them, “I’m not comfortable with (name action).” By that token, a gentle could say the same to any a maid of matron who “accosted” him, and he would be given the same respect. No accusations. No big Hooplas, no banishings. Just people telling other people of their “limits” – be them a newcomer or a Superduke. I must admit, I do hold some distain towards though who feel that a hug is an invitation for sex, or a kiss on the cheek a sign of intimacy. 
 
There are those of both genders that know how far to go in a tease or flirt, and those that don’t, but a “gentle no” is usually enough. A Solution – if you can’t take it, don’t dish it. If you don’t want the flirting, don’t flirt back. If you are not wanting the attentions of a certain gentle, tell them, if it persists, tell your “sponsor”/patriarch/lord/lady/matriarch, or better Their lord/lady. Have them quietly handle this by confronting the gentle in question. The reason why is, regretfully, some people know just the “right words” to implicate an innocent (at least of this offense). I know of several (also in the SCA) who have such a “gift”. What defense does one have against such an accusation when they are innocent? Usually, the person was brought before the representatives of the “injured” party and allowed to give their side of the story. Sadly, such considerations are a thing of the past apparently. What happened
 to innocent until proven guilty? Where the burden of proof is upon the accusers to provide the proof of guilt in this instance. To go upon the word of one or a small group of people without viable proof, smacks of old Salem village to me. And after guilt or innocence proven, let that person be. In the real world, to constantly slander a person in a group, online, or when the representatives do the slander, I’ve always been told that such offenses are “sueable”. 
People who wear the crown need to be all the more wary of the hearsay, so that they do not condemn a person unjustly. While one wears the Crown, they have to “be” the Royals, the examples, the seekers of the Truth. If the offense is great enough, and proof can be given, calling in the modern authorities only assists in the evidence of a crime.  
 
Now that there is a precedence, what is to prevent it happening to any of us?
 
The majority of the SCA are good, trusting, giving folk. This trust indeed can make us “prey”; but must we expect the “boogyman” behind every smile? Do we become so scared beyond our campfires that we suspect one of misdeeds so that they must prove their innocence before we let them approach for a cup of water? 
 
Thank you for hearing me out.  It felt good to at least get it off my chest.
 
Lady Marie Hélène of the New Forest
 ("born" in Atlantia)