[MR] How does one deal with difficult children of nobility?

[Britni Newton]

It is a difficult question.  And therefore it doesn't have simple answers.

I'll preface my response, with the caveat that I do not have children.  But 
I've worked with them pretty much my entire life.  I've worked in children's 
theatre programs, mentoring programs, and with the Pages Academy, so I can 
only offer what I would do in those situations, and it is worth the grain of 
salt with which I give my opinion.

In the first instance, where the child is telling the adult they can do 
whatever they want, because of who their father is, after the verbal caution 
that court would be over in a few minutes and that it would be more 
courteous to wait, if the child still wants to go interrupt court, let them. 
  The parents may have to take a few moments in court to address the 
situation, but they will then be aware of it, and hopefully will correct the 
problem that occured when the child assumed that they were allowed to do so. 
   A child can not be physically restrained by a stranger, and engaging in 
an argument with a child during court can be just as distracting, not to 
mention upsetting to the non-parent being put in such a position.    There 
is also the possibility that the child may have some sort of illness or 
medical emergency, and not want to discuss it with a stranger.

A child's behavior is shaped by their parents, and despite the nature of our 
game, to take service positions to help the coronets maintain their duties 
in peace and ease, their roles as parents come first, and our game second.  
I do not believe that we should bar children from their parents, if the 
parents have not set those boundaries in place, because then we are 
superseding the parents' authority, and that is sacrosanct to a child.

If a child is exceptionally rude to an adult because their parent is 
"someone", the best thing you can do is go find the parent in question, and 
ASK TO SPEAK WITH THEM PRIVATELY, if they have a moment.   Those wearing 
coronets are on display constantly, and a public discussion of their child's 
bad behavior (which will reflect on them as parents) is unnecessary, and 
likely to cause the parent to be defensive.   After that, it is upon the 
parents whether or not they do anything to correct the problem.   If you are 
uncomfortable going to speak to the parent, go speak to the autocrat, or 
perhaps the head retainer, and ask them to pass a message along.   Not doing 
anything about it simply reinforces the child's belief that they are above 
the rules because of who their parents are.  That is a severe disservice to 
both parent and child.

If a child is rude to other children, during Children's/Pages Activities, 
there is provision for 1 verbal warning, and then a return to the parents 
written into Atlantian policy, which should be done by the person running 
the activity.  If the person can not leave the activity (as happens often 
since there are usually the minimum of adults at such activity, and they can 
not leave.), then they can find a herald, and ask them to let the parent 
know that they need to come get their child immediately.

If you have a problem with the parent being in denial, then report the 
repeated problems to the Chancellor Minor, or the appropriate Dean for the 
age group, and discuss whether or not a decision can be made that the child 
is not welcome at Children's activities until the behavior improves or is 
corrected.  Children's Activities or Pages Activities, or even Teen 
activities, are offered as a courtesy, and entertainment.  They should not 
be a hardship or a burden because one child can not behave in an appropriate 
fashion, nor should one child be allowed to derail them and ruin the fun of 
others.

I apologize for the length of my reply, and hope that it might be helpful 
for those in future.

Sincerely yours in service,
Lady Livia Zanna,
Dean of the Pages Academy







>From: Jennifer Dobyns <jendobyns at verizon.net>
>To: The Merry Rose <Atlantia at atlantia.sca.org>
>Subject: [MR] How does one deal with difficult children of nobility?
>Date: Mon, 05 Feb 2007 11:55:16 -0500
>
>Greetings unto the Tavern,
>
>I am sorry, I cannot think of a more delicate way to ask the question
>in the subject line.  So there it is.
>
>Let's just say this is a hypothetical situation.   A child whose
>parent is "somebody"  decides that s/he wishes to interrupt court for
>a non-emergency.  S/he is advised that it would be inappropriate to
>do so just now, that the situation for which s/he desires to
>interrupt court can be easily dealt with to his/her satisfaction once
>court is over (a matter of a few minutes).  S/he then tells the adult
>in a way that implies "you'd better not mess with me or it will be
>very bad for you" that his/her parent is an "important person" and
>that s/he can go in and interrupt if s/he so wishes.   The issue here
>is not his/her interrupting court (there could be a very valid
>understanding about this between parent and child), _it is that s/he
>feels it is appropriate to adopt a threatening attitude about being
>able to do so because s/he has a parent of rank within the society_.
>
>This same child has acted in a bullying way to other children in the
>children's area during the day as well, shoving them aside as s/he
>chooses to get to things s/he wishes to see/do or just, apparently,
>to take away what is pleasing others (a cry for attention, perhaps,
>in all cases?).
>
>What should one do?  I can see the potential for a parent to be in
>such a state of denial about their child's behavior that any bearer
>of bad tidings could be in serious trouble.  I suspect that in such a
>case as the one set out above that it could be that the child really
>needs/wants attention and has found a way of manipulating the system
>within the society to get it and that the parent might be completely
>clueless that this is going on.  But being threatening towards
>another adult is troubling.  Bullying other children is troubling.
>And what message is this sending to the other young members of the
>society?
>
>Food for thought, eh?
>
>Genevieve D'Aubigne
>who is currently dealing with her own sometimes difficult child
>========================================================================
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