[MR] Re: who is to blame. (was possessive pronoun use catfight)

[Jennifer Drury]

>the fact that you were treated poorly does not change
>the general principle. i have heard several ladies
>tell me "yeah, your pavilion is great and all, but i
>can't put it up myself and no one will help me." so
>they stick to little nylon earth pimples and never
>force the people around them to step up.
>

But why should anybody have to "force" another to do what is just good 
courtesy?  If it is forced, is it courtesy anymore?

>the basic problem is this. i don't know what you need.
>if you do not tell me what you want me to do, i can't
>be the gentleman you need me to be. i realize that
>this is a terrible burden (it is, i am not being
>snide) but if you don't carry it, i cannot even find
>my burden.
>
>Domenico
>
>

You told a story, now let me answer you with a story of my own.

Several years ago, I was recuperating from knee surgery and traveling about 
the known world some, and ended up in Mobile, with some friends.  While I 
was there, the lady I was staying with broke her foot in a very bad way, so 
bad, she needed surgery, pins, and a week in the hospital to make sure all 
was ok.  Once home, she was required to stay off her foot for two months.  
So she had rented a wheelchair.

Looking around for something to do on a weekend, I found that the group 
local to Mobile (in Trimaris, and I'm very sorry that I don't remember the 
name of the group there) was hosting a weekend long event.  I wasn't feeling 
up to going for the weekend, but wished to attend on Saturday.  My friend 
had never been to an SCA event (but had heard a lot about it from me), and 
wished to attend with me, although she was concerned about me overdoing it 
as I was still supposed to be taking it easy on my knee, and I'd have to 
push the chair she was using all day.  I assured her that it would be all 
right, and dressed her in my extra garb, and we went day tripping to the 
event.  (Side note:  You know you are in the SCA when you take enough garb 
for you and a friend on a 'recuperation visit'.)

The site being used was an old fort on an island, which is now a state park. 
  The parking lot was located on the burm, so wheeling my friend down to the 
entrance wasn't a bad thing (and I wasn't going to think about wheeling her 
back up when we were ready to leave).  The gate of the fort was a tunnel 
about 10 feet wide and still had the original cobble stones on the ground.  
It posed no problem for us as we entered the site.  We enjoyed the day, and 
my friend was able to see the SCA at it's finest throughout the course of 
the day, including one gentle seeing me starting to limp yet still wheeling 
my friend through grass towards the smithy.  He asked if he could help and 
when I relinquished the spot, pushed my friend where we wished to go.

All went well that day, the battles were glorious and fun, the arts and 
sciences displayed were awesome; in all it was what one expects to see at a 
well run SCA event.  After court, we decided to leave as we were both very 
tired.  That was when disaster struck.  The cobblestones that had been no 
problem earlier caught one of the driving (big) wheelchair tires, and 
separated the rubber from the metal.  Needless to say, the chair stopped 
rolling.  I had just enough time to assess what was wrong when 4 burly men 
came to our aid.  (The amazing thing about that was that we were the only 
ones in the 'gate tunnel', and I'd not seen anybody around the inside of the 
entrance as we'd passed to leave.)  Two of the men were Knights, one man was 
a Squire, and one man had no belt or other regalia to signify if he had any 
'special' rank.  One gentle drew me away from the chair, one helped my 
friend to stand up and told her to lean on him to avoid putting weight on 
the ankle, and the other two turned the chair on it's side, and between the 
two of them, manhandled the rubber back onto the metal where it belonged.  I 
hadn't even had the time to look around for help, much less 'force' somebody 
to be a gentleman for me.

The end of this story is that once my friend was safely back in the chair, 
one of the gentles grabbed the handlebars, and started pushing her out the 
gate, to my protestations that he'd done enough and I could manage (even 
though they were weak protestations, even to my own ears).  He not only 
pushed her up that hill that I'd been secretly dreading all day, but then 
even went so far as to put the wheelchair into my trunk so I'd not have to 
do it, after my friend was seated in the car, of course.  The impression my 
friend had from that day, and that act of unrequested chivalry was extremely 
favorable.

In my home group, there are a few gentles I know I could call upon to help 
if a situation like that happened here, and a few who I'm sure would help 
without being asked.  But I was in a situation where I was among complete 
strangers.  The only time any of them had met me was that day, and yet, they 
responded quickly and without my having to ask.

To me, that exemplifies what the SCA is about.

It's not about anybody 'forcing' another to be courteous.  Chivalry is in 
deeds, in my humble opinion, not words or titles.

My only regret of that whole day is that once the gentles were done helping 
me, I had enough time to thank them for helping us before they went back to 
whatever tasks they'd been about before seeing the chair break, but I hadn't 
the wits about me to ask their names so I could write of them and the 
incident to TRM Trimaris.

In Service,
Bronwen of Hindscroft

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