[MR] what we "should" do

[Becky McEllistrem]

We seem to love these long theoretical debates about
what should or should not be happening in the SCA and
while I find them lively and this particular one,
rather polite (in spite of the obvious strong
feelings), I also find them a frustration.  Amazingly
I feel the frustration of the parties involved and
feel bad for all parties involved.

I feel frustrated because they always end up being
conversations where various parties are telling people
what they should or should not do, what we should or
should not think.  When we don't succeed at telling
each other what we should do and don't hear the
answers we want we get angry.  Sometimes we even start
taking out the basebal bats or start reprimanding each
other about how we should act towards peers, towards
each other, etc etc..  This I find an exercise in
futility.  

My parents used to tell me "I know what you think
because I raised you so this is what you think!"  They
learned by the time I was about 18 that they really
didn't know what I thought.  These conversations
remind me of the arguments between my older sister and
my parents with my sister saying "of course this is OK
and you should know it's OK" and my parents saying "of
course it's not OK and you should know it's not OK". 
Being on the outside of these disagreements was hard
because I could watch the parties involved giving
themselves ulcers trying to tell the other what to
think. 

Eventually after many hard fought times and a
different sister eloping, my parents learned by the
time we were 25 that it was useless to try and tell us
what we should do and useless to tell us what we
should think - we were now individuals they would have
to get to know us again.  It was a painful time for my
parents to be sure, especially my Mom.  I often
wonder, if at around 25 our parents have figured that
it's useless to tell their children what they should
do or think, why can't we figure that out about our
friends?

We all obviously joined the SCA as an escape from
something or a move towards something different in our
lives.  We all obviously joined SCA with our own
preconceived notions about what it should be, some of
them similar and some of them different.  But I worry
as to the benefit of long theoretical discussions of
what we should be.  I love challenges, and I love
suggestions for improvement and I love an interest in
improving one's self from any corner of the SCA.

But it's obvious that parties who disagree aren't
always going to feel that they were heard completely
well.  It's obvious that you're never going to tell
each other what to do.  So I ask that you think of my
family and wonder, are you giving yourselves ulcers in
an exercise of futility?  

Rebecca


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