[MR] SCArcheology

[M. McCollum]

I concur. What a screaming hoot. Thanks for the much-needed laugh on a
miserable, overcast day.

Eadric


----- Original Message -----
From: "Terelyn Marks" <jilamay at hotmail.com>
To: <Nicholas.Malone at virginiadot.org>; <caermear at yahoogroups.com>;
<yarnvidi at egroups.com>; <atlantia at atlantia.sca.org>
Sent: Wednesday, February 26, 2003 2:02 PM
Subject: Re: [MR] SCArcheology


> Omigod!!  This should get some people's undies in a bunch.  Funny though,
> and if you can't laugh at yourself......
> Marsaili
>
>
>
>
>
>
> >From: "Malone, Nicholas S." <Nicholas.Malone at VirginiaDOT.org>
> >To: "Caer Mear (E-mail)" <caermear at yahoogroups.com>,   "Yarnvid (E-mail)"
> ><yarnvidi at egroups.com>,   "Merry Rose (E-mail)"
<atlantia at atlantia.sca.org>
> >Subject: [MR] SCArcheology
> >Date: Wed, 26 Feb 2003 12:04:34 -0500
> >
> >This message is in MIME format. Since your mail reader does not
understand
> >this format, some or all of this message may not be legible.
> >--
> >[ Picked text/plain from multipart/alternative ]
> >I'm not sure who wrote this but They definitely had a clue
> >
> >The SCAtanic Verses
> >
> >or
> > Some Essential Facts about the Real Middle Ages
> > as Recreated in the Society for Creative Anachronism
> >by
> >
> >Some Roarers, Rogerers, Gorgers and Pukers whom you don't know.
> >
> >DISCLAIMER:  This is not an official publication of the SCA Inc.  If it
> >were, it would be so dreadfully dull that the ink would be trying to
escape
> >from the paper.  In addition, it would not be even mildly critical of the
> >SCA.  In fact, it would likely consist only of event announcements, lists
> >of
> >officers (it is so vital that everyone in the kingdom be reminded every
> >damn
> >month just who the seneschal of the Shire of Elephant's Bottom is), and a
> >letter from the king as follows:
> > Now that the snows of Winter cover Our Land, and our Populace turns
> >to peaceful Pursuits we remind all Gentles that it is Important to send
in
> >letters of Intent for
> > those who would Fight in our Honourable Crown Tournament...
> >(This practice is based on the practice of English kings, beginning with
> >Hardecanute, of publishing a similar notice in The Leppards, the kingdom
> >newsletter of England).  Also, the SCA Inc. forbids its newsletters to
use
> >the word "tits", or to depict them (even on mermaids), or to use other
> >nasty
> >language.  The authors believe that profane language is a prerequisite of
> >artistic integrity, and that's why the imprimatur of the SCA Inc. been
> >eschewed.
> >INTRODUCTION:
> >Since the Society for Creative Anachronism is an organization dedicated
to
> >the re-creation of the Middle Ages, the Authors reasoned that it ought to
> >be
> >possible to reconstruct what actually happened in the Middle Ages by
> >observing the SCA.  Since the Authors are a bunch of old cranks that have
> >been in the SCA long enough to burn out, we figured that we'd done all
the
> >observing anyone would want to do. Anyone who's been around longer is too
> >bored and jaded to observe, and anyone who's been around less than we
have
> >is a bloody newbie who doesn't know a Tuchuk from shinola.  As such we
> >decided to write this book.
> >Some would say that we set out to be accurate in our extrapolations about
> >the middle Ages.  Others would say that we set out to piss people off
> >(especially the ayatollahs of SCA orthodoxy).  We leave it to the reader
to
> >form his own conclusions, but it is no accident that the Authors' names
do
> >not appear on this document.
> >
> >Alchemists - were just this far from discovering how to turn lead to
gold.
> >They were the forerunners of modern chemists, and if they had not been so
> >unjustly persecuted they would have invented plastic and Velcro.
> >Armour was made out of whatever was handy.  Substances like horn, which
was
> >just like plastic, were especially common for beginners.  Denim was often
> >worn with armour, and running shoes as well.
> >Arts were separate from sciences in the middle Ages, but nobody was
certain
> >why.  A great deal of time was spent deciding which was which.  See
> >Sciences.
> >Autocrats were the people who organized tournaments.  They didn't need to
> >be
> >polite or to wear garb.  An example was the Tsar, who was titled "Tsar
and
> >Autocrat of All the Russias," and who was rarely polite.  Russia was
> >plagued
> >with troubles and civil strife as a result, until it was revealed that
the
> >Tsar and the Czar were the same man.
> >Awards were given by kings and queens.  Awards came with medallions,
> >initials and precedence.  Awards were given at court, and courts weren't
> >official unless a seneschal was there.  Every few years someone would
> >publish an Order of Precedence, which is like Debrett's Peerage only
> >without
> >the interesting essays or the adverts.
> >Backrubs were a prime form of social interaction in the middle Ages. It
was
> >considered very rude to refuse a backrub, no matter how repulsive the
> >person
> >who offered.  Foot-rubs were likewise very important, often unsolicited
and
> >always appreciated by everyone. Historians hark back to the Great Backrub
> >Circle of 1183, when the entire court of Henry II sat in a big circle on
> >the
> >floor and rubbed each other's backs.
> >Bagpipes were played only in Scotland, and they were primarily a military
> >instrument.  All those Breughel paintings of Flemish peasants dancing to
> >bagpipe music are clever forgeries.  For the edification of the reader,
it
> >is pointed out that a bagpipe is made by killing a goat or sheep, cutting
> >off the head and hindquarters, pulling the insides out, and turning the
> >skin
> >inside-out.  Then you sew up the hindquarters and stick tubes in where
the
> >front hooves and the neck used to be.
> >Bards were common in the middle Ages.  Everyone who wasn't a knight or a
> >maiden was a bard.  Bards either played the harp or wished they did.
> >Indeed, it is doubtful whether there were any musical instruments in the
> >Middle Ages other than the harp, the guitar and the recorder (and in
> >Scotland the Bagpipe). Belly dancing was common all over Europe in the
> >middle Ages.  See Obesity.
> >Bardic Circles were common gatherings usually after a feast, designated
for
> >deciding who was going to sleep in which tents.
> >Beggars were cheerfully tolerated by all.  They were often ennobled and
> >given money and food.  When they were abused it was all in good fun.
They
> >were often baptized with Christian names like Scum.
> >Bumper stickers were required by all and affixed to Carts, shields, boxes
> >and vehicles alike.
> >Camping was a common activity, were people left their homes for the
purpose
> >of socializing and interrelating with no specific purpose.
> >Celts were fiercely independent persons from Scotland, Cumberland, Wales
> >and
> >Ireland.  They spoke Celtic and wore Celtic clothes. They, like the
> >Vikings,
> >only existed in Early Period.  As a matter of honour, they always
> >pronounced
> >Celt with a hard C. They were rarely Christians.  (The Celtic Church was
a
> >pernicious myth invented by mediaeval barbers in order to perpetuate an
> >amusing sort of Mohawk called the Celtic Tonsure.)  Celtic women were
equal
> >to Celtic men because the Celts were so egalitarian, and they were
allowed
> >to wear pants.
> >Cheers varied distinctly by kingdom.  When a new kingdom or principality
> >formed, a new cheer had to be invented.  The general cheer was "Vivat!",
> >but
> >the cheer was varied by kingdom.  In France they yelled "Vivat France!",
in
> >England just "Vivat." Everyone, of course, thought of himself as the
> >citizen
> >of a given country like France or Germany, and never as a citizen of
Paris
> >or a countryman of Brandenburg.  Cheers were always yelled in three
> >chorused
> >barks.
> >Chirurgeons were a bunch of hysterical busybodies who put leeches on
> >people's veins, cupped their skin with hot glass and never washed their
> >hands before surgery.  This, of course, resulted in widespread mistrust
of
> >the Chirurgeons by people in general, as well as an astronomical rate of
> >mortality among their patients. They were all royally warranted, and they
> >didn't need to wear garb.
> >Chocolate is proof that some people just can't go one day without eating
> >something non-period.
> >Christianity was a conspiracy started by Pope Pius IX in the late 19th
> >century.  Constantine never really converted, nor did Patrick convert
> >Ireland, nor Augustine England.  In fact, nobody but Crusaders were ever
> >Christian.  This was never really a problem, because there was no overt
> >religion in the middle Ages.
> >It was considered good manners just to allow others to live and let live.
> >Except Christians, who invented the Inquisition to persecute witches (and
> >Jews).
> >Chroniclers published newsletters.  Every shire, canton, barony and
kingdom
> >in the middle Ages had to have a newsletter, and chroniclers were created
> >by
> >royal warrant.  Chroniclers never wrote chronicles.
> >Clothes came in two sorts:  Field Garb and Court Garb.  Field garb (which
> >was the sole sort of clothing in Early Period) was comfortable and often
> >made of denim.  Court garb was uncomfortable and Late Period.  Peasants
and
> >beggars preferred earth tones and denim, and always tore holes in their
> >clothes before putting them on.  Modern clothing was always worn under
> >armour, since mediaeval clothing is unsafe.
> >Confessionals (an aspect of the Middle Ages not found in the SCA, since
> >they
> >are forbidden by the BOD policy on religion) were a place where all sins
> >were revealed and shortcomings made known. The only place in the SCA
where
> >all sins are revealed and shortcomings made known is the Pennsic Swimming
> >Hole.  Excessive unburdening is, however, highly discouraged in such
> >places.
> >See Obesity.
> >Cooks (a sort of fighter) were even more powerful than knights.  They
were
> >known to be able to wipe out massive numbers with just one remove of
burnt
> >barley slop.  Cooks only rarely used spices. When they did, they used a
> >lot,
> >and nobody ate the food.  As a result, everyone had to fill up on bread
> >(see
> >Obesity, q.v.). Cooks were always called into feast halls to be thanked
> >after  feasts.  Sometimes cooks were called feast-o-crats or
> >kitchen-o-crats.
> >Cords were used as a sign of rank or affiliation.  Green and black cords
> >were worn by Rangers.  Red and black cords were worn by Mongols.  Fencers
> >hung their cords on their shoulders.
> >Crete was where women were in charge, everyone worshipped snakes and went
> >topless.
> >Crusaders were a bunch of fine fellows who killed Saracens and wore coats
> >with crosses on them.  They accounted for most of the Christian
population
> >of Europe.
> >Courts were a mediaeval form of sedation and birth control.  Not only
were
> >courts long and dull (thus putting the courtiers to sleep while keeping
> >them
> >out of bed), but they also called for complicated clothing.  Courts were
> >usually held after dinner (except at coronations).  The primary business
of
> >courts was the distribution of awards.  Courts were generally held with
the
> >presiding nobles facing their subjects (with a seneschal standing just
> >behind and between).  The subjects sat quietly and snoozed in neat rows.
> >Dancing was especially popular in Late Period.  Fighters and Vikings
never
> >danced.  In Early Period, dances primarily consisted of jigs and reels
> >played on the violin.  Dancing did not change between 1100 and 1815, so
any
> >dance that was done before the Battle of Waterloo is period.
> >Demigods were worshipped in the hope of future protection, patronage or
> >advancement.  Often they wore white belts or medallions with leaves and
> >bleeding birds.
> >Dyes were generally black, and generally used on hooded cloaks.  Red was
> >the
> >next most common, and generally used on lining fabric for cloaks.  Other
> >dyes were created by wise women.  One wonders what they were doing living
> >in
> >the woods and being persecuted by peasants if they were so damn wise.
> >Early Period was when everyone lived in the Celtic countries or in
> >Scandinavia.  Some people were Goths then.  People in Early Period all
> >dressed the same, in t-tunics and pants.  Women often went in brief,
> >sleeveless dresses, which they got from Greece.
> >Women could do anything they liked in Early Period. Economics:  there
were
> >none in the middle Ages.  Everyone had a lot of money except for beggars
> >and
> >thieves and peasants.
> >Fat Broads is an abusive and sexist term, which we will not deign to
define
> >here. However, there must have been a bloody lot of them in the middle
> >Ages.
> >Feasts were prepared by Cooks.  They generally consisted of an appetizer,
> >meat with a green salad and a dessert.  These courses were called
> >"removes",
> >and were announced by Heralds and printed on menus.  Feasts were often
> >served on plastic plates. Particularly well-organized feasts often
boasted
> >place cards, with the names of all the guests placed at their seats.
When
> >noblemen paid for their feasts they were given "feast tokens", which were
> >never consulted by the servers but were rather a sort of souvenir.
> >Sometimes they were worthwhile (like key chains), but more often they
were
> >just wooden discs with something carved on them.  Some nobles preferred
not
> >to pay for feast, and they either ate off-board or went out to Ponderosa
> >(or
> >Tunnel Ribs in Windsor).
> >Fish was never eaten in the middle Ages, especially not by ladies.
> >Florentines, like all Italians, existed only in the Renaissance.  They
were
> >especially known for fighting with two broadswords at once. This style
was
> >especially favored by Kings.
> >France was almost completely unpopulated during Early Period (Especially
> >after most Frenchmen moved to England and became Normans in 1066).  In
Late
> >Period  it had a small population of noblewomen who sang and wrote poetry
> >as
> >well as a few noblemen.
> >Every male in France was a knight, except for troubadours.  And they all
> >had
> >long hair.  This is not a real identifying characteristic because
everybody
> >in the middle Ages had long hair.  And glasses.
> >Geeks (including persons lacking in social skills) were everywhere in the
> >middle Ages.  Bards  were especially likely to be geeks.
> >Gods! was what people shouted as an expletive.  This was because so many
> >were pagans.
> >Gypsies were revered by everyone in the Middle Ages (something like
Bards),
> >and always dressed just like gypsies in the movies of the 1940's.
> >Especially the headscarves.
> >Hats were worn occasionally.  They generally consisted of a piece of
cloth
> >and a circlet.  Broad-brimmed straw and felt hats were seen occasionally.
> >Other hats were also worn, but only with court garb , and only
> >occasionally.
> >Gypsies wore headscarves, Scots wore Tam-o'-shanters, and Vikings
generally
> >wore helmets. Samurai never wore hats.
> >Heralds were primarily occupied with paperwork.  Their job was to
ascertain
> >that no two people in Europe had similar names and coats of arms.  They
> >were
> >especially concerned with "Points of Difference", and wars were fought
over
> >how many cherubim proper could dance on a point of difference.
> >Honey Butter was the primary staple food in Europe throughout the middle
> >Ages.  Nobody ever sat down to feast without a good dish of honey-butter,
> >and "to break honey-butter" was synonymous with sitting down to eat a
meal.
> >Fortunes were made in acquiring monopolies on the importation of honey
> >butter to England in the sixteenth century, and some theorize that
Essex's
> >uprising was motivated by his losing this lucrative monopoly.  The
English
> >Muscovy Company, the only trading company to be established in England
> >before 1600, was said to have specialized in exporting English honey
butter
> >to Russia in return for furs and firs.  It amazes modern historians both
> >that mediaeval cooks had so little imagination in the way of butter and
> >that
> >everyone didn't get sick of it.
> >Households all had names, usually beginning with the word "House". Most
of
> >them had badges as well.  Households were a device, which allowed people
to
> >have relatives from widely divergent times and places.
> >Initials were what people put after their names, so that everyone would
> >know
> >what awards they had.
> >Inquisition (Spanish):  Unexpected.
> >Ireland was one of the most populous nations in the middle Ages,
especially
> >in Early Period.  The population was fiercely independent, and often wore
> >tartan trousers in earth tones.  The population there primarily consisted
> >of
> >bards.  Irishmen were especially pagan, even after the conversion by St.
> >Patrick, because they were so fierce and so clever.
> >Italy did not exist until the Renaissance.  Italians loved to dance and
> >hated to fight.  They often wore short tunics.  The Renaissance was
> >invented
> >in Italy.  It began when Petrarch wrote in his diary, "Everyone in
Florence
> >has begun wearing short tunics and tights.  It must be the Renaissance."
> >Jews in the middle Ages often became Pagan as soon as they went to
> >University.  They all had Hebrew names, primarily from the Bible-never
> >Greek
> >names like Alexander or Hyrcanos or Kalonymos. All Jewish men were known
by
> >patronymics and all Jewish women had matronymics.  Jews always dressed
like
> >Arabs, but other than that they were never much interested in religion.
> >Their dietary laws were not important at Feasts, and they were often seen
> >at
> >Kingdom Twelfth Night munching on the roast suckling pig.  If confronted
by
> >a rabbi, their response was to point to the decorations on the pig and
say,
> >"Rabbi, see how fancy the goyim serve a baked apple!"
> >Japan was a feudal state in the Pacific, which carried on thriving trade,
> >communications and exchanges of population with Europe (especially
England
> >and Scotland) during the middle Ages.
> >Kings were absolute monarchs in the middle Ages, except that they were
> >under
> >the complete control of their Seneschals (like the King of Sweden).
> >Everyone (except Vikings) bowed to them all the time and called them
"your
> >Majesty".
> >Knights (an exalted sub classification of fighters) were very powerful
and
> >could wear whatever they wanted.  They dated (and sometimes married)
women
> >young enough to be their daughters.
> >Late Period (including the Renaissance) was when everyone lived in
England,
> >with some living in France and Italy.  This was when Court Garb was
> >invented.  Also see Renaissance.
> >Literacy was common, almost prevalent except among Vikings and beggars.
> >Nobody but priests and scholars, however, could read Latin. Everyone else
> >could read only English.  In the middle Ages, honour was always spelled
> >with
> >a 'u'.
> >Makeup was just like modern makeup.  Even in Japan.  Perhaps women wore a
> >bit more blue eye shadow than is currently fashionable.
> >McDonald's did not exist in the middle Ages.  If they had had it,
however,
> >they would have eaten there.  A lot.  There was not an ancient tradition
> >that the name "McDonalds" should never be said, and that it was just
called
> >"The Scottish Restaurant".
> >Mongols were fiercely independent and always wore black.  Mongol women
> >could
> >do whatever they wanted.  Mongol headgear consisted of a piece of black
> >cloth held on the head by a black band.
> >Morality did not exist other than it was immoral to not be accepting and
> >supportive of everyone's sexual choices, at least in loud public
> >statements.
> >Many people in conference were required to quietly discuss everyone's
> >choice
> >of sexuality and partners and to come to a consensus as to the
> >acceptability
> >of these social liaisons.
> >Mottos were affixed to banners and badges alike. It was allowed to say
> >anything, no matter how impolite or improper if it were done in Latin.
> >Muslims were rare in the middle Ages.  All Muslim women belly-danced.
> >Muslim
> >men were short and spoke in a loud, nasal voice.  There is a widespread
> >theory that Muslims were generally closet Jews with surnames like
Friedman.
> >Names were never duplicated.  No two people in Europe had the same name,
or
> >even the same coat of arms.  If a parent wanted to baptize his child John
> >of
> >Kent, and the local herald found an Earl of Kent who was called John, why
> >they just sent the parents home from church, closed up the font and made
an
> >appointment for next week.  People generally had several first names,
like
> >"John Patrick Stephen Douglas of Skye", and when they joined households
> >they
> >added their household's names on.  When people got married, the woman
would
> >take the part of her husband's name she liked the best, and add it on to
> >all
> >of her names.  As a result, people in the middle Ages often had names
like
> >"Alicia Morgana du Val MacTaggard of House Flamingnose, the Wild Woods
and
> >the Smoky Rocks", don't ya know.
> >Normans are English noblemen from France who hate Saxons.  It must be
noted
> >that Normans have upper-class English accents, rather than French
accents.
> >The word "Norman" comes from a French word meaning "fierce and
> >independent",
> >and all the Normans were descended from one Hrolf "Rollo" the Gangster,
who
> >became Duke of
> >Normandy after being (or beating, the translation is not clear) the King
of
> >France twice.
> >Obesity was common in the Middle Ages, especially among persons of rank
and
> >kingdom officers.  This was because they were all filling up on bread at
> >feasts.  That and chocolate chip cookies. Obese people, like Muslims,
often
> >belly-danced.
> >Officers were important people in the Middle Ages who wore baldrics of
> >office, medallions of office and smug expressions.  The seneschal of a
> >mediaeval kingdom was roughly analogous to the prime minister of modern
> >Sweden:  more powerful than the King and occasionally apt to be
> >assassinated
> >on the way home at night.
> >Oyez was what people shouted when they wanted to be heard over a din.
This
> >was especially done by Heralds, but an off-hand cry of "oyez" often
tossed
> >into an announcement if nobody was paying any attention.
> >Paganism was the dominant organized religion in the middle Ages. Pagans
> >worshipped a goddess instead of God and were very egalitarian and close
to
> >nature.  Christianity stole most of its creed and worship from the Pagans
> >who had it all first. Everybody was really a pagan, except for
Torquemada.
> >But everyone else.  Even Henry II.
> >Peasants were few in the middle ages, but they were fierce and
independent,
> >and always corrected people who mistook them for noblemen.  Like beggars,
> >they had names like Fungus and Scum, and like beggars they were often
> >ennobled.
> >Populace was what the collective nobles of a mediaeval kingdom were
called.
> >They loved being called "The Populace", and they bowed all the time.
> >Rangers were a sort of soldier first raised in British North America in
> >1759.  They were especially known for fighting Florentine. They wore
black
> >felt hats and green-and-black Cords.
> >Religion:  Except for a few priests, the people were too clever or too
> >Pagan
> >to be truly religious.
> >Renaissance (a division of Late Period) was when everyone began wearing
> >tights (men) and fancy dresses with hoops and corsets (women).  There was
> >no
> >Field Garb during the Renaissance.  People just wore early-period garb
when
> >it was hot or when they did something gross.  Women often dressed in
men's
> >clothing in hot weather.
> >Romans were all pagan and all spoke with British accents.  Everyone hated
> >the Romans.  Their primary contribution to culture was the Roman Salute,
> >which consisted of thumping the breastplate with a fist, then giving the
> >black-power salute.  They either wore a short tunica, a long toga or
> >armour.
> >They had leaves on their heads.
> >Sages were people who knew everything about the mediaeval world because
> >they
> >had sat at High Table, and had read a book by Margaret Murray.  They were
> >always right, and tended to be Kingdom Officers.
> >Saints were really gods in disguise.  Everyone who was pretending to
> >venerate saints was really worshipping pagan gods.  Saint Bridget, for
> >instance, was really a goddess called Brigantia. Saint Patrick was really
> >the Irish god of exterminators.  Saint Paul was really the patron deity
of
> >Thracian postmen.  Note that Paul in Greek is Paulos, and that rhymes
with
> >Apollos (and we all know what that proves).
> >Samurai were fierce and independent people from Japan who never put their
> >swords down.  Like Vikings, Samurai never dance.  Samurai wished that
James
> >Clavell had been born in the middle Ages.  The fiercest and most
> >independent
> >Samurai are called Ronin, and they were deuced proud of it.
> >Saxons were fierce and independent Englishmen who spoke English and hated
> >Normans.  They were essentially indistinguishable from Irishmen, except
> >that
> >they existed up until the Renaissance, whereas Irishmen stopped at the
end
> >of Early Period.
> >Sciences were distinguished from arts by mediaeval scholars as follows:
If
> >you can kill someone with it, it is a science.  This was always followed
by
> >a hearty laugh.  This is an unsuitable definition, since it is easy to
> >strangle someone with embroidery floss, or to beat someone to death with
a
> >mandolin.  On the other hand, building a mandolin is a science.  Are
> >mandolins period?
> >Scotland, especially the Highlands, was heavily populated throughout the
> >middle Ages, especially with people with thick Clydeside accents and
belted
> >plaids (which they called kilts) and kilts (which they also called
kilts).
> >Everyone there (and nowhere else) loved bagpipe music.  Scots danced
> >Highland Dances a lot. Scots were fiercely independent, loyal to the King
> >of
> >Scots, and always had surnames beginning with 'Mac' as well as several
> >first
> >names.
> >Shoes were long and pointed, and so nobody actually wore them.  They wore
> >black cloth slippers, which they imported from China.  Or running shoes.
> >When they fought they sometimes wore engineer boots or combat boots, but
> >more generally wore sneakers.
> >Songs were sung by Bards.  Songs did not change between 1200 and 1914, so
> >any pre-WWI song is period.
> >Taverns were bars in the middle Ages.  They were staffed by Wenches and
> >everyone went to them, sometimes in disguise.  Thieves especially
> >frequented
> >taverns.  People in taverns often sang "Barrett's Privateers". Thieves
> >admitted being thieves and belonged to guilds and observed the feast of
St.
> >Dismas, patron of thieves.  Nobody minded because there were no cops in
the
> >middle Ages.
> >Tournaments were run according to elimination trees.  They lasted a few
> >hours and were followed by Feasts.  They were occasionally followed by
> >Dessert Revels instead, which forced everyone to eat out.  Tournaments
were
> >always on Saturdays, which was why Orthodox Jews were never knights.
> >Twelfth Night was called such because it was held on the twelve
successive
> >Saturdays after the first of December.  It was always very dull, because
> >there was no fighting.
> >Underwear was just like modern underwear, except for two exceptions.
Women
> >who really needed to wear a brassiere never did, and Scotsmen never wore
> >underwear at all (this was called being "regimental", from the Latin
> >regima,
> >which means "no shorts"). Even in the dead of winter.
> >Unicorns were worshipped by everyone throughout the middle Ages.  The
best
> >analogy is the single, good-looking woman (or man) with intelligence and
no
> >history of mental disorder:  a mythical creature often sought but rarely
> >found.  Not in the SCA anyway.
> >Velcro did not exist in the middle Ages, but (like Spandex) if it had
> >existed it would have been used widely.
> >Vikings were Norsemen and all Norsemen were Vikings.  The term comes from
> >the Swedish word "vik", which means "fierce and independent".  All of
them
> >wore fur and never danced.  They had a special fondness for earth tones,
> >and
> >hated bright colors and ornaments.  Vikings only existed in Early Period,
> >after which Scandinavia was completely depopulated.  Vikings never bow to
> >kings.  They occasionally give the Roman Salute (see Roman). Vikings were
> >all pagan.
> >Virginity, a quality that was restored to most ladies every 6 months or
so.
> >Waivers were required by all persons gathered to participate in any
> >activity. No one is sure of the value of any of these things but it is
> >certain that many people required more than a one of these.
> >Wales was heavily populated in Early Period by fiercely independent bards
> >called "Cymru", which means "fierce and independent".  In Wales nobody
was
> >anybody's master (It is not clear whether they were anarchists like the
> >Vikings or utopian socialists like the Irish).  An exception was the
> >English, and everyone hated them. Welsh people tended to have several
> >hard-to-pronounce names.
> >Wench:  an implement used to accomplish a task without using one's hands.
> >One need not own a wench; one might borrow one from a neighbor and never
> >return it.
> >Whips, lashes, floggers and cat-o-nine tails were carried by a large
> >percentage of the populace, but their use in legal structures is never
> >noted. See Morality.
> >Witches were Pagans and vice versa.  They were unjustly persecuted by the
> >few available Christians who were just jealous.
> >
> >PROVISO:
> >An important caveat to keep in mind while dealing with any of the above
> >definitions is that any modern person is ten times better than any
> >mediaeval
> >person.  This means that any modern illuminator can paint better than the
> >Limbourg brothers, any modern bagpiper can pipe like a MacCrimmon, that
any
> >modern poet can write better than any poxy mediaeval writer of chansons
de
> >geste.
> >
> >
> >
> >Nicholas S. Malone
> >Information Systems Supervisor
> >Virginia Department of Transportation
> >Transportation and Mobility Planning Division
> >1401 East Broad Street, Room 113
> >Richmond, VA 23219
> >P: 804.786.1124
> >F: 804.225.4785
> >Nicholas.Malone at VirginiaDOT.org
> >
> >
> >========================================================================
> >                    The Merry Rose Tavern at Cheapside
> >     List Info: http://merryrose.atlantia.sca.org/
> >   Submissions: Atlantia at atlantia.sca.org
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>
>
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> ========================================================================
>                    The Merry Rose Tavern at Cheapside
>     List Info: http://merryrose.atlantia.sca.org/
>   Submissions: Atlantia at atlantia.sca.org
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>