[MR] RE: *WH* reactions to competitions

[David Wendelken]

>Poster: "Gene Bonar" <gbonar at nc.rr.com>
>
>My experience is that people have stopped competing not
>because they don't win but because they are getting savaged by
>unknowing and sensless judges. I have heard horror stories
>about terrible comments being put on cards since I have been
>in the SCA.
>
>As far as I can tell the thoughtlessness on the part of the
>judges is not rampant but it is common.  Also as far as I can
>tell these people are not excessively sensitive to being
>judged.  No it appears that judges for one reason or another
>are not being careful enough in the way that they word their comments.

>All in all though, I have heard several talent people say they
>would not compete anymore and that is a shame.

I've heard those horror stories too.

To those who have been offended in this manner: you should never, ever,
let people who act like that get you down.  That rewards bad behaviour
and is inconsistent with the virtues we hold dear as a society.
Fighters are taught to get back in there and go another round.  If you
want to learn or display the characteristics that we consider
appropriate to a Peer of the Realm, you should be ready to defend the
Crown and the Realm with your wits, your strength of character and the
virtue of your example.  Giving up when someone is merely rude is hardly
a good way to start defending others when the going gets tough!

I have to add that most of the horror stories are the "friend of a
friend" kind of story, which are notoriously unreliable.  Until someone
says "A judge wrote or said this SPECIFIC statement TO ME at THIS
SPECIFIC EVENT", I've learned to ignore it.  That's not meant to sound
callous or uncaring!  It's just that whenever I've tried to track such a
situation down, I've rarely been able to find the real person it
happened to.  In effect, many of the situations we hear about are
nothing but the SCA equivalent of urban legends.

Writing or saying exactly what one means to say, no more and no less, is
extremely difficult.  Doing so while offering criticism of their work
without offending them is an order of magnitude harder.  Doing that
quickly, under time pressure, without the chance to go back and read
one's comments the next day (a basic professional quality control
technique) is just asking for misunderstandings and hurt feelings.

I write professionally (1 1/2 books, 80 professional papers and
articles), plus my daily work, which often requires writing detailed
explanations of complex situations.  I am also a noted and accomplished
public speaker in my professional field.  I have to tell you that giving
out judging comments is just plain hard!  I don't have enough time, I
don't have all my sources with me, and I have to rush through the job in
between any other obligations I may have.  I have to balance between
telling the things that I like and telling what needs improvement or is
just plain wrong.  Please keep that in mind when a judge does not appear
to have been "careful enough in the way that they word their comments."
Few people are trained judges, writers or public speakers, so cut them
some slack and don't immediately jump to the worst interpretation of
their comments.

Have the courage to **politely** ask what their intent was.  "Excuse me,
but I heard you say this: "<repeat what they just said, verbatim, to the
best of your ability.>"  What I just understood you to say was extremely
offensive and discouraging to me.  Was that your intent?"  If you get an
absolute look of horror on their face, you will know it was not.  If you
misheard, they will correct what you heard and you can look embarrassed
instead.  (Apologize and thank them for clearing that up!) If they did,
in fact, intend to be rude and discouraging, I'm sure the Kingdom A&S
Officer and/or the Crown would like to know about it promptly.  Feel
free to ask your judge to join you in discussing their opinions with
those parties - right then and there - and enjoy watching them squirm.

Of course, if the entrant is being overly sensitive, they are likely to
learn that instead.  It might be embarrassing, but think of it like the
fighters do - one just needs to become properly calibrated!  Personally,
I would rather learn that I needed to adjust my attitude than give up
the arts and all the friends I might have made participating in the
contests!  Either way, standing up for what you believe in becomes a
win-win position.

Andras