[MR] Fw: Bad feast (Humor)

[Virginia E. Liles]

> ----- Original Message -----
> From: vongraph
> To: trimaris-temp at yahoogroups.com
> Sent: Wednesday, May 01, 2002 9:24 PM
> Subject: [trimaris-temp] Fw: Bad feast (Humor)
> 
> 
> I wanted to forward this complete as received so no one would be upset
about
> not giving credit where it was due:)
> 
> Elric
> ----- Original Message -----
> From: "Patrick McKinnion" <patgund at earthlink.net>
> To: <sca-cooks at ansteorra.org>
> Sent: Thursday, May 02, 2002 12:11 AM
> Subject: [Sca-cooks] Bad feast (Humor)
> 
> 
>     Jared suggested you'all might get a giggle out of this....    Mind
you,
> I'm *NOT* saying anyone on this list would *do* any of these....     If
> anyone has more suggestions to this list, let me know - I may add it to my
> website.
> 
>     I wrote this originally under the influence of cold medicine, and then
> posted it to various SCA lists:
> 
> Ways to Tell if you're at a bad feast
> 
> 1)  Theme is "Cuisine of the Black Plague"
> 2)  Feast is the result of an A&S project on "insects as food during the
> dark ages"
> 3)  Trenchers are made from Wonder Bread
> 4)  Ancient Scottish cookbook that the recipes are redacted from turns out
> to be an old McDonald's menu.
> 5)  You find a cat's collar in your Rabbit dish
> 6)  The cook insists that a period Irish dish was Corned Beef and Lucky
> Charms.
> 7)  A&S documentation for the feast is artwork from a Round Table Pizza.
> 8)  "Siege Cooking" theme includes rats and boiled grass.
> 9)  The head cook is listed as "Lord Denny du Lozenge Or"
> 10)  Asian feast menu includes Thousand-Year Eggs, Natto, Owl Soup, and
> Baalut
> 11) The poultry dish is stuffed with Pop-Rocks and Trix.
> 12) Gentleman in kilt starts weeping and muttering "My poor, poor, bonny
> lass" over his Haggis.
> 13) "English Pub Cooking - a Retrospect"
> 14) Two words - "Spam Sublety"
> 
> =C6duin was then kind enough to toss these towards me:
> 
> 1)  Primary documentation is "Voudoun Recipes for
Zombees...errr...Dummies"
> 2)  Theme is "Rancid Meat and How it was Disguised in Period"
> 3)  Menu is from the Donner Family Diaries
> 
> Then I was sent these suggestions via Live Journal:
> 
> 1)  Group went from Barony to Shire 3 days after the prefeast.
> 2)  Pizza boy delivered to kitchen back door during feast setup.
> 3)  Autocrat asks for royal taste testers
> 4)  Separate waiver required of all on board people.
> 5)  EPA has blocked off all exits from the site.
> 6)  Colin Powell asks if cook is will to air drop into Bagdad with his
> special sauce.
> 7)  Rats leave site during feast prep.
> 8)  WHO arrests feastcrat for crimes against humanity.
> 9)  Kids serving water, tea, sweet tea, and pepto.
> 10) Rat Haggis on a Stick
> 
> And then more were added from the West List:
> 
> 1) The long line is the one for _leaving_ the feast
> 2) A Siege Marshal halts the bread-a-pults, insisting they need more duct
> tape and foam around the bread to be safe.
> 3) The Cookerie Guild agrees, but on the basis of flavor.
> 4) The first course is delayed pending the findings of the Curia Regis
> 5) The "remove" is handled by a hazmat team.
> 6) The site is lost due to complaints from the toxic waste dump next door.
> 7) Just what part of a dragon are the "nuggets" anyway????
> 8) Hey, who knew that Gallo made Mead?
> 9) When "Fish sticks" is a verb.
> 10) The procedings are delayed because the Feasocrat was given a new
waffle
> iron but had to send someone out for the spray starch.
> 11) The stew is stiffer than the napkins
> 12) You hear the sizzling of food cooking, and they serve the salad dish.
> 13) You hear the fire department coming, and when they get to the kitchen
> door they realize it's too late to save anything.
> 14) You wonder what the extra taste is in your dish, and realize that they
> left the rubber glove in from the dishwasher, and then realize... that's
> what gave the food flavor.
> 15) The Animal rights activists don't boycott the feast, instead they
hold =
> a
> vigil for the cremated remains.
> 16) The head cook brings in McDonald's to eat in the kitchen.
> 17) You hear they are making mud pies, and realize... they aren't kidding.
> 18) You hear the phrase "it's better than last year, this year we don't
hav=
> e
> to worry about the place burning down."  unfortunately it's because it's a
> cement hall.
> 19) The decorations include a police ribbon that reads "Condemned"
> 
>     - Padraig o Connell
> 
> "MEOW"... "WOOF"... It's a two-litter engine!
> ----------------------------
> (http://home.earthlink.net/~patgund)  ICQ# 5527565
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