[MR] FW: [thndr] Fw: [wyvernwoode] Art/Sci Report, April 1st...

[Virginia E. Liles]

Something else to talk about

> 
> ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
> 
> Arts & Sciences Report of the Fool
> April 1, AS XXXVI
> 
> 
> Policy Decisions:
> I am now accepting resumes and auditions for a special Corporate Deputy
> the Ivy Prince Consort.
> Applicants must be young, good-looking males who meet the following
> criteria:
> 1.  Not currently on any anti-psychotic medication;
> 2.  Have sufficient means to support me financially in the manner to
> which I wish to become accustomed; and
> 3.  Can bench-press me.
> Please refer all suitable applicants to me as soon as possible.
> 
> Action Items:
> Surely the check for the Ivy Coronet and Imperial Robes has been delayed
> in the mail?
> 
> Kingdom Items:
> Aethelmearc:
> Master Cariadoc of the Bow has been arrested by the CIA for holding too
> much information. CIA agent [name withheld] said, Mr. Cariadoc knows
> far too much to be human. We suspect he is a robot sent here from Osama
> Bin Laden to gather information to destroy the western world as we know
> it. We have detained him and will begin dissecting him this afternoon
> for further study. Laurels' rights groups have been outside CIA
> headquarters protesting this, but the CIA=EDs claim that Cariadoc is
> really an advanced robot makes it invalid under US law to extend rights
> to him. They say that initial x-rays do not show metal or any non-period
> computerized materials, but they still insist that they will have to
> dissect him to find out for sure.
> 
> Ansteorra:
> In order to comply with the Bilingual Education Amendment, all reports
> from Ansteorra will be required to be in both Old English and Medieval
> Spanish, complete with Castilian lithp. Note the new spelling of
> Anthteorra.
> 
> An Tir:
> The Barony of Madrone's new Starbuck's Guild Charter: From out of the
> Dark Ages of the Inquisition came a whole new order. This order
> understood the evil within mankind that could make a person drink
> anything else but Coffee. After painful (for others) Thaumaturgical
> research they made contact with Other Beans and learnt a whole new way
> of Power, that Power is through the mastery and consumption of Coffee.
> The Path of Eviler Percolations is based on the lesser Evil Percolations
> but don't think they are the same. Quite frankly, they frighten me.
> 
> Artemisia:
> The Kingdom has decided that it will have Arts & Sciences events in
> other Kingdoms to increase the chances of receiving any bids on the
> events. They have decided to further divide the office into 15 equal
> parts: one for each of the seven sins, the seven virtues, and one to be
> the finder of people to host the A&S events. A&S entries will require a
> color code on the documentation: red means I only want to hear how
> wonderful I am/no critique.
> 
> Atenveldt:
> Fall Crown Tourney had to be relocated due to interference from the
> Needleworkers Guild. The embroiderers who had gathered to support the
> fighters while they stitched apparently created so much noise with
> shouted suggestions and commentary on the bouts that the fighters
> couldn't hear the instructions from the marshals. "We finally moved out
> to the highway median where it was quiet", reported the Earl Marshal. "I
> tried to get them to move, but after an hour of trying I hadn't managed
> to get a word in edgewise."  In response, the Needleworkers' Guild issued
> a statement that the Earl Marshal "throws like a girl".
> 
> Arts & Sciences Report of the Fool
> April 1, AS XXXVI
> 
> Kingdom Items, continued:
> Atlantia:
> Since "The return to Atlantis", there have been more advances in the field
> of alchemy: Atlantia is the first Kingdom to have a working
> Philosopher's Stone! The Kingdom issued a press release announcing that
> their site fee policy has changed, and that their Majesties will be
> attending *everything*.
> 
> Caid:
> The Caidan team for the television show "Junkyard Wars" on The Learning
> Channel took home the trophy with their winning entry. The competition
> was to make a catapult in 10 hours with junk found on site. The Caidan
> trio not only completed their project on time, they made two additional
> trebuchets and a mangonel, all out of period materials, complete with
> documentation. Athough The Learning Channel executives were confused,
> The History Channel has signed Caid to a 12 part series.
> 
> Calontir:
> With much sorrow I'm forced to report that due to a tragic
> misunderstanding, the Crown suspended all A&S competitions in Calontir.
> Apparently, there has been a large influx of new players in the region
> during the last quarter, many of them becoming artisans. Normally this
> would be a good thing, until one event held a "Falcon-in-any-medium"
> competition. As I understand it, one of the newest cooks didn't quite
> comprehend the significance of the Falcon, causing quite an uproar. I
> think that once the Queen is back from the hospital and the Fyrdmen stop
> attacking cooks on site, things will return back to normal.  On a
> positive note, I'm hoping the cook will recover from his injuries soon
> and rejoin us, as the pie was actually quite tasty.
> 
> Drachenwald:
> Drachenwald's A&S competitions have fallen into disarray, due to
> pressure to increase the authenticity of the entries. Having so many
> artifacts around for comparison purposes, the entries are being judged
> as substandard.  One particularly zealous judge was seen scrutinizing
> artifacts from the local museum. While the artifacts were scored high in
> craftsmanship and design, they lost a lot of marks for lack of
> documentation. There were also complaints about the damage/filthiness of
> the artifacts. "You would think people could take a little pride in
> their work and avoid burying their work in the ground."
> 
> Ealdormere:
> This office continues to receive baffling communiques postmarked from
> Ealdormere which read:
> "We interrupt this broadcast of seditious and totally baseless
> propaganda to remind you that there is no such thing as Celtic Ninjas.
> There never was, and never will be. No one is here. No one is talking to
> you. You are sitting back in your chair, drinking a nice mug of ale.
> Trust your Kingdom.  Arts & Sciences are not being influenced by Celtic
> Ninjas, because there are No Such Things. That is All."
> 
> East:
> Dame Martha Stewart released her Laurels' Planning Calendar for AS
> XXXVI. Suggested activities for the new year include: Drain city
> reservoir; refill with mulled cider, orange slices and cinnamon sticks;
> Organize spice racks by genus and phylum; Get new eyeglasses; grind
> lenses myself; Using candlewick and hand-gilded miniature pine cones,
> fashion cat-o'-nine-tails/flog gardener; and repaint Sistine Chapel
> ceiling in ecru with mocha trim.
> 
> Meridies:
> I'm sure you've seen the news on CNN. The main attraction at this year's
> A&S Faire was an exceptionally detailed research paper on the Black
> Plague. Both the judges and the populace thought the little petri dishes
> on the display were pretty cool. Being the sticklers for authenticity
> that the Meridiens are, most of the attendees obligingly succumbed in
> the requisite three days. The new interim A&S minister tells me A&S in
> the Kingdom will be a little dead for a while. There was also a populace
> vote to bring back malaria in select swamp areas.
> 
> Arts & Sciences Report of the Fool
> April 1, AS XXXVI
> 
> Kingdom Items, continued:
> Middle:
> In an effort to liven up the dull recitation of the increasingly lengthy
> royal lineage at each coronation, the bards of Northshield proved that
> all names do indeed scan to "Greensleeves" and sang the lineage instead.
> The ceremony was definitely lively; the event also marked the largest
> mass banishment of bards in Society history. (Lawyers are currently
> researching whether the purposeful torture of innocents through song is
> grounds for mundane legal action as well).
> 
> Outlands:
> An attempt was made to prove that the death of King Fjolne could not
> have happened as recorded in the Norse Kings Saga. In the saga, King
> Fjolne drowned after falling into a vat of beer in the middle of the
> night. A two-story keg was built and filled as per the description, but
> when volunteer Sir Avram threw himself in, he had no difficulty drinking
> it dry in time to prevent any danger. "The only thing we can figure is
> that King Fjolne must have been on the way to the privy when he fell
> in, he must have died of blood poisoning when his bladder exploded."  Sir
> Bertrand was so inspired by this bit of experimental archeology that he
> has volunteered to help put plans in the works to make a second attempt,
> only this time with port.
> 
> Trimaris:
> Two new A&S categories have been introduced: Lord of the Rings Text
> Study & Analysis, and Re-Creation of Items and Garb from the films.
> 
> West:
> Master Gregory visited Rome in the 13th century and described a cast
> iron statue of Bellerophon and his horse suspended in mid-air by means
> of magnetic stones built into an arch that perfectly attracted the
> 15,000 pounds of iron. (A Medieval Miscellany, pg. 93).  Western Laurels
> are currently embarking on a project to re-create this statue full size
> but out of those little refrigerator magnets, so far with limited
> success.
> 
> Commendations:
> To the newest Middle Eastern Costuming & Dance Laurel of El D'Ormere,
> His Excellency Sir Menken.
> 
> Publishable Report Summary:
> The A&S office applauds the decision to offer a fourth Peerage order
> specifically for comedy.
> 
> 
> With tongue firmly in cheek,
> 
> Mistress Rowena of Avalon, Hedera Helix Plectranthus Nummularius, Laurus
> Nobilis
> Ivy Queen of Arts
> 
> 
>      
> Baronial FAQ: faq.wyvernwoode.org
> The baronial calendar:  calendar.wyvernwoode.org
> Officers contact list: contact.wyvernwoode.org
> Information about the barony: info.wyvernwoode.org
> The Wyvern's Tale online: news.wyvernwoode.org
> 
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