[MR] courtesy to ladies

[Jerry Wellner]

This isn't Jared, it's Sajah.

I agree with Rebecca and am very much like her - fiercely independent and 
more than willing to tote my own things. I often tell people "No, I've got 
it, thanks." But then I tend to tote armor boxes and handfuls of swords, 
chairs and polearms. Unweildy bundles that ladies dressed as ladies don't 
tend to haul around. I don't /look/ like a fighter so people offter to help.

I know of the instance my lord referred to in his original missive and I 
know the heart that felt compelled to plea for courtesy. I know from one of 
the ladies in question that the gentles who did not offer were not laden 
themselves or extremely tied up with other things - both fair and reasonable 
excuses for not offering a hand. As an historical reinactment society Jared 
- and I and many others as evidenced by the responses - feel that period 
manners should be as carefully reinacted as period garb, period food, period 
fighting, and period arts.

But it goes beyond just that. I know in this modern PC age of feminism it is 
considered impolite, uneducated, or hopelessly un-PC to treat a woman as a 
weaker thing. Fine. Treat men that way too. This isn't a gender issue. It is 
a courtesy issue. I was watching An American in Paris last night. Gene Kelly 
is sitting in a cafe talking to his lovely American sponsor. When she gets 
up to leave he starts to rise to his feet - as naturally as breathing. Watch 
any old movie. All the men do that. It was considered polite ... how many 
years ago? We've lost even that in our culture except on rare occasions. 
Courtesy, to either gender, along with good manners and general etiquette - 
is being lost. How many familes actually sit at a table and have a family 
dinner each night? How many of us spend time using "the other fork"? Very 
few. It's a fact of our time. But ... we aren't living in this time on the 
weekend, are we? We park our cars as far as we can away to resist the sight 
of the modern age. We wear garb, cover ice chests in cozies, and scowl at 
anyone drinking soda pop out of an aluminum can on general principles. So 
why ... why in HEAVEN'S name .. is this such an issue? Why can't more of us 
simply ask, "Do you need help?" as easily as we donn a tunic or grab a 
basket or strap a pauldron? It is a part of the time we live in when we are 
together and as important a part of the reinactment as anything else. Ask. 
If you are refused, smile and accept it. But don't NOT ask the next person. 
If you are asked, perhaps you do refuse the first one ... but eventually you 
will find youself with too heavy a burden and need that help and you will 
say yes, we all do at some point. Graciously ask, and graciously accept or 
refuse.

We call ourselves gentles. We should ACT like gentles. GentleMEN and 
gentleWOMEN. That's the bottom line.

Saaida Sajah bint Habushun ibn Ishandyar al-Hajjaji

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