[MR] courtesy to ladies

[Becky McEllistrem]

--- "Oxford, David" <dmo at pqa.com> wrote:
> >> Courtesy is not only offering help, but having
> the grace to politely
> >> accept/refuse an offer to be helped.
> 
> An excellent point!  Our modern society is full of
> expected little social graces
> of "politely offering" something we don't really
> want to give, and the
> accompanying "polite refusal" knowing that it was
> only "politely offered" not
> "truly offered".
> 
> I would assert that if you offer to help, mean it
> (be truly willing to stop what
> you're doing and help out ... don't just say "can I
> help" to "satisfy" the
> demands of courtesy).  And if help is offered,
> assume the offerer means it and
> take it if you want it.  And remember, there are an
> awful lot of folks in this
> Society of ours that just really love to help people
> out, so don't deprive them.
> :)

That's actually a harder lesson to learn than you
might think.  I'm fiercely independant and like to do
everything on my own and when I was first Clerk of
Signet I turned down many offers of help even though I
was overladen with books scrolls and cases.  I finally
let one gentle help me when I saw a sincere look of
hurt feelings on his face as I was about to refuse his
help.  Turns out it was the highlight of the day as I
met the kindest person I ever knew.